No pressure Valentine's

Now, I am sure you all know me well enough to know, I am all about the love.

But as Valentines day creep nearer, I get a feeling of irritation, bordering annoyance.

Valentine’s Day often feels like a celebration designed for couples, filled with hearts, chocolates, and endless declarations of love and marriage proposals.

But, what if the day stirs feelings of loneliness, frustration, or inadequacy?

What if you don’t fit into that mold?

That’s where Anti Valentine’s Day steps in (its a thing!) a chance to say No thank you the usual romance and celebrate independence, self-love, or even just the freedom to be yourself without pressure.

Or choose to not even acknowledge it. I find the later hard!

Valentine’s Day, like so many modern celebrations, has roots that are far older and wilder than its current glossy and in my opinion sickly form.

Don't get me wrong if roses and chocolates are for you, then that's ok too.

What once honored fertility, connection and the pulse of life itself has been carefully packaged into dinners for two, overpriced roses flown halfway around the world, scentless and tired, and boxes of chocolates we’re told will somehow prove our worth to one another.

Eugh!

It’s another day that asks us to behave as society expects.

To spend.

To conform.

To measure ourselves against an invisible standard of romance.

And for many of us, it can bring up feelings of unworthiness, isolation and hopelessness.

This is my problem with Valentines day! I am here to say...

Don't believe the hype.

As a child, we had a Valentine’s Day box at school.  It was a decorated cardboard box, placed in a hall way somewhere quiet so someone who loved you, could secretly pop a card in and vice versa.

I dreaded it.

That quiet, gnawing fear, in my belly, what if I didn’t get one?  

Again eugh!

I remember there was a popular girl called Anne Ryan (funny how we remember names from so long ago) blonde hair, big blue eyes, she was  beautiful.  

She always got a few cards. I felt so inferior next to her. Unloved. Unwanted. Unpretty.  

I remember she always got to play Archangel Gabriel in the Nativity play too. 

Oh how I wanted that role.

Lol. Lol.

I did make it to an accompanying Angel one year. Stood behind Anne, with my golden tinsel Halo slipping down over my eyes. A sign of things to come?!

Those moments lodge themselves deep in the mind and body, don’t they?

Little lessons about comparison, worthiness, and where we tell ourselves we stand in the world. Or in a lot of cases what others tell us.

 Valentine’s Day has a way of stirring those old memories, even decades later.

And here’s the thing,  I don’t believe love is meant to be proven on one day of the year.

I don't want people to feel unloved.

Or to have pressure placed on them to perform !

I believe we should show people we love them every day.

Not by going out for expensive meals or buying roses that don’t smell of anything real.

Not by ticking boxes or following societal scripts.

But by listening.

By being present.

By supporting one another when life feels heavy. 

By small, quiet acts of love that don’t need applause.

Making someone a cup of tea.

Sending a message just to say “I’m thinking of you.”

That’s love.

And more  importantly that love includes you.

Self-Love Without Shame? Oh I know its not always easy.

Again, we are led to believe that loving ourselves  is  a derogatory thing.

With  comments like “who do they think they are?”   “they are  so vain”

I remember one of my mum's frequent expressions if she saw a woman dressed up, making an effort to look nice. (I thought)

She would say “look at her, dressed up like a dogs dinner” which means a mess apparently. I never understood this. I usually though the lady was looking good. Like good enough to eat.

Anyhow, loving ourselves in truth is deeply necessary.

It is not vanity.

It is not selfish.

It is a gift we give ourselves so that we can show up more fully in the world. Flaws and all.

My back-pack is full of old stories, which I am gently unpacking.

Continually, discovering the true me.

I know I have flaws, oh and I have lost count of things I could have done better.

But, hey ho, as they sing in The Greatest Showman.

"This is me"

"Woooooo ohhh woooh wooooo !!!!"

And I love me, warts and all. And you know why, because I do the best I can,each and every day.

So, here are a few ideas to celebrate YOU this Valentine’s Day:

• Treat yourself to something you truly love

• Eat something nourishing and comforting

• Take a rose-petal bath or a long soak by candlelight

• Walk to a place that feels like home to your soul

• Write a letter to yourself, telling yourself how much you admire your courage, your softness, your persistence, how far you have come.

When we love ourselves, we soften.

When we love ourselves, we stop grasping for proof that we are worthy. (My personal favourite)

When we love ourselves, we can love others more freely without fear, without comparison.

And we shine more brightly.

So this year, if Valentine’s Day feels tender, irritating or heavy, please know you are not broken.

Love was never meant to be confined to one day.

And it was never meant to exclude you.

Happy Anti-Valentine’s Day

May it be full of real love, in all its many quiet forms.

And one year, I did get a card, anonymously of course.

A hand drawn card which inside read  

To Janet

Love

?

And guess what ?

It gave me a fuzzy warm feeling ,for a few minutes. Until I saw Anne had many more than me. Ha ha ha ha

Brightest Blessings beautiful peeps.