Boundary tips to honour yourself this Christmas with Jaguar as Ally.

Hello beautiful people,

How are you doing? Here we are again that time of year where expectations are put upon us. From left right and center! From buying gifts to attending family gatherings, and works doo's.

I wanted to share a little muse-ing with you, especially if you’re navigating the pain and confusion of a passive-aggressive family member, friend or work colleague, and dreading the party or gathering because of them. You know the type I mean. The one who is friendly to everyone else, the one whose sun shines incessantly for everyone. Yet somehow finds every opportunity to put you down. Sneaking little jabs in, smiling and laughing as if it's a joke! Doing their best to ruin your day, and belittle you.

I speak from experience! I put up with it for years. Christmas or no Christmas.

It’s a strange thing, isn’t it? And it can feel like a physical slap in the face or kick in the belly.

You may find yourself questioning, why?

What have I done to deserve it?

Is that really true?

Is this what everyone thinks of me?

Or it feels so unjustifiable!

Especially when you offer kindness and try hard to be kinder! People pleasing is never the way. It dis-empowers us.

But remember… you are not powerless here.

It says more about the emotional well-being of that person than your own.

So why do some people behave this way?

Here's a few ideas to consider, they may be experiencing,

Fear of conflict or confrontation.

Insecurity, low self-esteem, or feeling powerless.

Unable to express anger or frustration healthily.

A desire to maintain control or avoid vulnerability.

This is where the medicine of Otorongo — Mother Sister Jaguar comes alive for me.

I have been learning about the Chakana , the Andean medicine wheel for a few years. With my lovely friend and colleague Nicola Mott and before with Sarah Gregg when I first received the Rites of the Munay-KI. Thank you, ladies.

Being a big animal lover, I really resonate with the animals of the directions and their teachings. The West is the direction where the sun sets, symbolizing the end of a cycle, death, and the transition into renewal.

Here, Otorongo is the sacred shadow-walker, padding silently through the hidden places, showing us what still hurts, what still triggers, and what still needs tending.

Sometimes the behavior of others becomes the torchlight that illuminates our own shadow — not to shame us, but to guide us deeper into our truth.

So, we may understand ourselves and grow in our power and light.

And this is where the Sacred Pause (Paws) becomes our greatest ally.

She teaches

Before reacting…

Before defending…

Before letting the old wounds scream…

Breathe.

Drop into your body.

Let Otorongo place her paw on your chest or shoulder and whisper, “Wait my dearest.”

She shows us when we react from an emotional place, we tend to feed the fire rather than soothe it.

But when we pause, even for a heartbeat, we step out of the pattern and into our power.

From here, you can choose compassionate, grounded action — especially when it comes to boundaries.

So, here are some tips for healthy boundaries with Jaguar as Ally.

1. Name what’s happening (quietly, inside yourself).

Recognise: “This is passive aggression. It isn’t mine to carry.”

Just being aware, can remove half its power.

2. Create an energetic boundary before or during contact.

Visualize, imagine Otorongo circling you — tail sweeping around your feet, creating a boundary of grounded, feline strength.

Before you even enter the room, decide how you will feel, if and when it kicks off!

3. If the scenario occurs, speak calmly, clearly, and minimally.

   
   

Passive-aggressive people thrive on reaction.

Make clear statements like:

“Just to make sure I understand correctly. What do you mean?”

This makes them have to take responsibility for what they are saying. You could then ask them if they meant that as an insult. "As that is how it sounded."

"Laugh and agree and exaggerate the joke at your expense."

“I appreciate your comments, but something is making me uncomfortable, please give me some space to enjoy the party."

These are powerful statements without being confrontational.

Keep calm, Breathe. Pause.

4. Don’t justify or over-explain.

Your boundary doesn’t require a five-minute story. I used to do this all the time!

I'd fawn, as a trauma response and turn into a people pleaser.

5. Limit your time with them, where you can.

Remember you are allowed to step back, take breaks, and protect your peace.

Distance is a boundary too, even if it means a trip to the loo to breathe.

6. Stay grounded in the Sacred Pause.

When the jab comes — breathe, soften your jaw, smile and answer from your heart, not from the surge of adrenaline you may be feeling.

Remind yourself:

I don’t have to match their behavior.

I don’t have to shrink.

I don’t have to explain myself into exhaustion.

Remind yourself:

Walking with Mother Sister Jaguar at your side, means standing in quiet, sovereign power.

Your presence is enough.

Your boundaries are enough.

You are enough.

Here’s a few other ideas that may help support you.

 A Jaguar-Heart Protection spell.

You will need:

Any 1, 3, 7 or 9 of these items.

A crystal: Black Tourmaline, Labradorite, or Rose Quartz

An essential oil: Lavender, Frankincense, or Cedarwood

A herb : Rosemary, Bay Leaf, or Chamomile

Use whichever you feel called to — even one is enough.

If you like you can place them inside a little pouch or organza bag.

The Spell

1. Ground & Breathe

Place your feet on the earth (or floor).

Take three slow breaths into your belly.

Imagine the energy moving down your legs into the ground. Maybe even imagine roots from the soles of your feet or base of your spine. Allow Mother Earth to hold you.

2. Anoint or hold your chosen support

If using essential oil, dab a tiny bit of diluted oil on your heart, wrists, or throat.

If using a crystal or herb, hold it in both hands for a moment.

State:

“I choose calm. I choose clarity. I choose me.”

3. Call in Otorongo

Close your eyes and imagine, feel, hear, see or know Mother Sister Jaguar is stepping in behind you.

Feel her warm breath at your shoulder.

Imagine her circling you once, creating a soft, shimmering boundary.

Her tail sweeping around your feet, sealing your energy field.

Say (out loud or silently):

“Otorongo, please draw near.

Keep me rooted, calm, and clear.”

4. Place your hand on your heart

Feel your heartbeat.

This is your anchor — your sacred pause.

State:

“I stay aligned,

their shadow is not mine.”

5. Seal the Ritual

Take one more deep breath.

Place your crystal/herb/oil in your pocket, bag or bra.

Know that you walk with:

Jaguar on your shoulder

Boundaries in your blood

Calm in your heart

Softness in your spirit.

Say a big thank you to Otorongo from your heart.

Post-party cleansing ritual

You will need:

A little salt

Warm water

Or a smoke herb (Rosemary, Sage Mugwort, Lavender or Palo santo)

1. Shake the energy off

When you get home, stand by the door and gently shake your hands, arms, and shoulders as if brushing dust from your body.

Whisper or shout

“What isn’t mine, leaves now.” Or make something up in your own words.

2. Salt & water cleanse

Mix a pinch of salt into warm water.

Dip your fingertips in, then lightly touch:

Your forehead

Your heart

Your solar plexus

Say softly:

“I return to myself.”

You can also keep a spray bottle of salt water near the front door.

Or a cleansing spray like this one

Sacred Smoke

Or, if you prefer smoke cleansing:

Let the rosemary or sage drift around your head, heart, belly, and feet.

Imagine any leftover tension dissolving like mist.

3. Re-root

Sit for a moment with your hands on your belly.

Breathe until you feel yourself soften.

Let the day melt away and the calm return.

Remember, soft heart, strong boundaries.

Brightest Blessings

Much love

Jan X