When Others Expect too much ! How to detach from feeling guilty.

The Quiet Freedom of Releasing Expectations – Part 2

When Others Expect More Than We Can Give

Dear readers, thank you for your emails and messages from my email and  previous  blog where I explored the stories we create when others do not meet our expectations.

But as always,  there is another side to this.

Sometimes it is not our own expectations that cause discomfort, it is the expectations of others on us.

Requests for our time.

Our energy.

Our attention.

Our knowledge.

Sometimes even our money.

And when  these expectations are not asked for gently, or with gratitude,  they can feel like demands.

I used to struggle with this, but I have learned a lot over the years. But, sometimes some people rattle my cage. But, the good news is, I recognize this feeling now. And can act accordingly.

I was always told to be kind as a child, and I was a kind and caring kid, but its a heavy thing to lay on a child.

I was never told be kind, but don’t let people walk all over you.

When people make demands we may feel pulled in many directions, trying to be kind, helpful, and generous.

But quietly inside we may be thinking:

I really don’t have the energy for this.

I don’t have the capacity right now.

Really? I am just too tired for this.

And then another feeling creeps in

Guilt. That heavy, niggly, soul destroying  monster.

Oh I know him well. He followed and sat with me for a very long time. For one reason or another.

Many of us were taught that being a good person means always helping.

Always saying yes.

Always being available.

Always giving when someone asks.

But the truth is this:

No one has unlimited energy.

Our time, our attention, our knowledge, and our resources are all forms of energy.

When we continually give without checking our own capacity, something slowly happens.

We become drained.

Our energy leaks away.

Our power begins to feel scattered.

This doesn’t happen because we are unkind,  but because we have forgotten that essential we matter!

So we begin or continue to say yes even when every part of us feels a screaming NO

My no is usually a physical feeling, like a punch in the gut.

I used to worry so much about disappointing someone.

Appearing selfish. ( Something else that was drummed into me in childhood)

So every time we override our inner knowing, we give away a little bit more of our power.

And gues what? Its not hard to see that over time this can leave us feeling depleted, resentful, or emotionally exhausted.

Healthy boundaries are not barriers against others, they are containers that protect our energy.

An NLP Perspective:

In NLP there is a simple but powerful reminder:

In these situations we always have a choice.

Even when something feels like an obligation, there are always options available to us.

We can say:

I don’t have the capacity for that right now.

I’m unable to offer that at the moment.

Thanks for understanding.

When we recognise our ability to choose, we move from being controlled by expectation to standing in personal responsibility.

This is absolutely not about becoming hard or closed.

It is about responding consciously rather than reacting from guilt. Just the word” Guilt” causes a physical reaction for me.

A Reiki /energy perspective :

Practices such as Reiki teach us to become aware of the flow of energy within and around us.

When our energy is harmonious, we can give generously without becoming depleted.

But when we continually pour from an empty cup, the energy body begins to show signs of stress and strain.

Simple grounding practices, self-Reiki, and moments of stillness allow us to return to our centre.

From that centred place we can ask:

Is this mine to give?

And if the answer is no, we can honour that truth with compassion. And say “Not today thank you.”

It doesn’t mean you may not help them another time.

Shamanic Wisdom:

From a shamanic prospective When we give our energy unconsciously, pieces of our power can scatter.

Shamanic practices remind us to call that energy back.

To stand firmly in our own centre.

Not through force or conflict, but through quiet clarity.

A simple inner statement can be powerful:

“My energy belongs to me.”

This is also true in many other energy based  modalities. And something I practice daily with my morning Reiki, prayer sit ting.

Learning From Nature. A Hedgewitch perspective.

Every day I wake up and look put of my window, I feel so privileged to live in the land of the peaks. This is where I learn the most. Observing , listening.

And Nature offers beautiful examples of healthy boundaries.

Fir example, a tree does not give all of its leaves away simply because something asks.

A rose blooms but  does not apologise for their thorns.

The old wise,  oak tree stands strong and rooted, offering shade and shelter

But, we don’t expect them to uproot itself to please others.

Plants understand something instinctively that humans sadly , mostly forget:

Living in harmony!

They give us oxygen, beauty, medicine, nourishment,  but always while remaining rooted in their own life force. They expect nothing, they do their own thing. This is why I give them gifts, words, water, songs. Appreciation and gratitude.

We too can learn to give from a place of rooted strength rather than exhaustion.

Plant Allies for Energetic Boundaries

Many plant spirits gently support us in reclaiming our energy.

Hawthorn teaches strong heart boundaries.

Rose reminds us that softness can coexist with protection.

Nettle shows us the power of energetic defence when our space is not respected.

These plants do not apologise for the way they protect themselves.

And neither should we.

A Gentle Reflection

Perhaps the key  is not:

How can I meet everyone else’s expectations?

But rather:

How can I honour my own energy while remaining kind and compassionate?

True generosity does not come from obligation, it comes from a place where our own well-being is respected first.

Only then can what we offer be genuine, nourishing, and sustainable.

Walking this path together:

In my work I weave together several practices that help people return to their centre, restore their energy, and reconnect with their own inner knowing. The light of their true Authentic self.

Through Spiritual NLP sessions, we explore the stories the mind creates and gently reshape them so they support your wellbeing rather than limit it.

With Holy Fire® Reiki, we work with healing energy to restore balance, calm the nervous system, and replenish what may feel depleted.

My Plant Spirit and Flower Essence consultations invite the wisdom of nature to guide and support you, offering subtle yet powerful energetic allies for emotional and spiritual harmony.

Within my Hedgewitch and earth-based practices, we reconnect with the quiet teachings of the land, the plants, Grandmother Moon and the rhythms that have supported human healing for generations.

And through Moonlight Magic gatherings and workshops, we gather in sacred space to reflect, restore, and remember the power that already lives within us.

If you feel called to explore any of these pathways, you are warmly welcome.

🌿 Spiritual NLP Sessions            

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🔥 Holy Fire® Reiki

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