Addiction part 2

After my last post about addiction, trauma and the vagus nerve, a few of you lovely souls reached out to me.

And I realised something really important.

My post was one sided.

Because, whilst addiction deeply hurts the person afflicted, it also leaves devastation in the hearts, bodies and nervous systems of the people who love them.

Partners.

Children.

Parents.

Friends.

Siblings.

The people who are lying awake at 3am wondering if someone is dead in a ditch somewhere.

The people checking phones obsessively.

The people terrified every time the door knocks. (Is it the police with bad news)

The people carrying secrets and shame. Wearing masks in front of others.

The people trying to hold families together whilst quietly falling apart themselves.

I know this side too.

I have lived a chequered life. Lol

I have sat in both worlds.

And loving someone with an addiction can slowly destroy your nervous system, your whole being.

You begin living in survival mode!

Your body becomes hypervigilant.

Always waiting for the key in the lock

The subtle changes in their bodies and words before an argument.

Always bracing for the next lie, the next disappearance, the next crisis, next phone call.

You stop trusting your intuition because you are constantly being gaslit, manipulated or promised things that never happen.

The “I promise I will change, I didnt mean it, 1000 times sorry”.

You may experience:

• Anxiety and panic attacks

• Exhaustion and adrenal burnout

• Insomnia

• Depression

• Chronic stress and nervous system dysregulation

• Loss of self-worth

• Emotional numbness

• Financial fear and instability

• Isolation and shame

• Anger, resentment and grief

• Spiritual exhaustion

Many people living alongside addiction experience violence, emotional abuse, stolen money, betrayal, intimidation and deep trauma.

Addiction can consume an entire household.

The hardest part of this is that you cannot heal someone who does not want to change.

You cannot love someone sober.

You cannot sacrifice yourself enough to save them.

You cannot force, fix or rescue.

And this is heartbreaking.

Because many loving people slowly abandon themselves trying to save someone else.

The nervous system becomes addicted too.

Addicted to crisis.

To rescuing.

To waiting for things to change.

To tiny moments of hope.

This is why support for families matters so deeply.

Not because you caused the addiction.

Not because you can cure it.

But because you deserve support too.

Healing for loved ones often begins with boundaries.

Boundaries are not punishment.

They are protection.

And boundaries can sound like:

“I will not give you money.”

“I will leave when you start shouting at me.”

“I will not lie or cover for you.”

“I cannot save you.”

“I love you, but I will not abandon myself anymore.”

I used to think that was cruel.

And boy was a rescuer.

Naturally, to my own detriment.

Here are some gentle holistic ways to support yourself whilst living alongside addiction.

• Grounding practices and time in nature

• Breathwork to calm the nervous system

• Trauma-informed therapy, NlP or counselling

• Journalling and emotional release work

• Reiki, energy healing and somatic healing

• Support groups where you are truly understood

• Cold water therapy or vagus nerve exercises

• Creating routines and stability for yourself

• Learning healthy boundaries

• Reconnecting with your own identity outside of the chaos

And please hear this clearly:

If there is violence or abuse, your safety matters.

Compassion does not mean tolerating harm.

Here in the UK there are also wonderful organisations offering support for families and loved ones affected by addiction:

• support for families affected by drugs, alcohol and gambling

• support groups for anyone affected by someone else’s drinking

• helpline and support for families and those bereaved by addiction

• practical advice and links to local support

• drug information and confidential support

• emotional support if things feel overwhelming

If this is your life right now, please know this:

You are not weak for struggling.

You are not selfish for setting boundaries.

And you are NOT responsible for carrying another person’s healing alone.

Sometimes the deepest healing begins when we finally turn some of that love back towards ourselves

You are not alone.

Reach out

Google help online or in tour community

Or book yourself some time with me.

Brightest Blessings