A Christmas without a home- and how the light found me.

There was a Christmas once when I had no home. No tree glowing in the corner, no warm kitchen humming with the smell of spices or a dinner cooking, no soft bed to curl back into after the world got too much.

Instead, I carried everything I owned in a couple of bags, moving from one borrowed space to the next, trying to stay invisible to keep safe in the small hours, trying to stay brave.

The nights were the hardest.

There is a quiet that only winter knows — the loneliness is amplified in the cold, it can make you feel like the only person left in the world.

I remember sitting in a busy pub's doorway, “The Power of love” by Frankie goes to Hollywood playing inside. A song that always brings tears to my eyes. It fills me with gratitude and the flame in my heart feels warm and fed.

I watched people, holding hands laughing, celebrating. In love and friendship.

I wondered if anyone could see the young girl sitting in the shadows.

I wondered if they would care if they did.

People entered the pub, some gave me a quick glance, others didn’t notice.

Unloved, unwanted and alone. I was 22 years old. How I ended up there is a complicated story, and maybe one for another time.

But, a few people did see me.

One kind soul bought me a drink, another gave me some money, this warmed my heart.

I thought about Jesus, and the idea of this new baby in the manger. He who came to bring hope, peace and Joy to the world. I prayed to Mother Mary, the divine feminine. I called on ever Angel whose name I knew and didn't know!

In all honesty, I prayed to anyone who I thought may listen.

So, here’s the strange, beautiful thing about being at your lowest: that’s when magic finds a way in.

The power of love was present. I felt it, deep inside my heart.

Although, it was hard to imagine at the time, I knew I would get through.

Looking back now, I realize that, that Christmas taught me something no coziness, ever could have.

It taught me that home is not just four walls.

That the warmth of love, lives in our hearts. The spark inside you that refuses to die, even in the darkest and coldest of nights.

That Christmas shaped the woman I am today.

It’s partly why I create safe spaces in my circles.

It’s why I hold others gently, without judgement.

It’s why I believe so fiercely in healing, magic, and the quiet resilience of the human spirit.

Because I have been without a home alone, and afraid —and I learned that light still finds its way in through the cracks.

Even on the coldest nights.

Even when you’re lost.

Even when you think you don’t deserve it.

And now, every December, when the world glitters with evergreen trees and fairy lights.

I take a moment to honour that younger version of me.

The one who survived.

The one who kept going.

The one who believed — even when she had nothing — that someday life would feel warm again.

And she was right.

As here I am, full of gratitude and a love, enough to share and if you need me reach out.

I am always happy to have a chat, if you are nearby, come for a cuppa, come for some food.

I also have a few free and discounted places on my workshops, and 1 2 1 sessions too.

You are not alone, and the power of love is strong.

Brightest Blessings.

One Love.

Jan